Sunday, March 15, 2009

In need of a disclaimer...

Recently, I have found out that some people have been frustrated with me about what I post on here. So here is a disclaimer:

What you are about to read are my thoughts and feelings about my journey Trying to Conceive. These feelings may be of anger, jealously, disappointment, fatigue, and weariness. There are times when joyous things may be posted on here. However, the process of trying to conceive a child that I so desperately desire is painful, and there are times of mourning. So expect to see pure, raw emotion much like you would read in a diary. You may begin to notice that this process is much like the grieving process and I have to move through each stage in order to cope. If you choose to read this please know my heart's desire is not to hurt you, it is not to make you feel like I don't like you or that it is your fault that I am not getting pregnant. I am just being honest about my feelings on this journey.

You may notice that the top of the blog is a verse from Psalms saying that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I want each of your who read this to know that I do completely believe that God created me in such a way that whatever physical problems I might have that I know I was created for His glory.

I am fully aware of how my raw emotions look to those of you who have had me censor them. I am fully aware that at times I am going to coming across angry or possibly slightly crazy. However, you have to take it with a grain of salt.

I fully believe that this journey that God is taking me on will lead me to be completely joyous with the end result. Whether that mean I get pregnant, we adopt, or I just continue in this life as a teacher loving and nurturing the children in my classroom. I know that God has created me to show children His pure and unconditional love. I also know that this process is showing me to trust in Him with all I have know that He has a plan for me that is perfect. Through this journey I have found more joy in Christ than I could have possibly known because I have had to become completely dependent upon Him....and that is where joy Christ. That doesn't mean that I will never grieve the loss of my unborn child because I will. It doesn't mean that my desire to become a mother will go away because I know that is what I was created to be. With that may come some jealousy because I want a child am I am having to wait. But none of this means that I am ever unhappy for those of you that God is blessing with children, and it doesn't meant that I don't want to see how He is working in your life through this child.

Please know that I sincerely love each and every one of you, and I would never want you to feel like you can't talk to me because I don't want you to rub your child in my face. More than anything I want to be apart of your child's life and watching them grow into who God created them to be.

I sincerely apologize to anyone whom my words on this blog may have hurt, but this is my outlet for frustration. I chose to publicly display my feelings because I don't want to have to repeat myself a thousand times, but I also want you to be able to see what God is doing in my life through this process.

I love you!


Courtney said...

Girl, you believe whatever you want to believe and if they dont like it then they dont have to read it!! Thats my thought on it!

The one and now only Jodi Bird said...

This is your outlet, not anyone elses. I find that sometime people get upset about what I post, but you know what...until they walk in your shoes they have no right to question you thoughts or feelings. If someone doesn't like what they are reading, then they are welcome to not read it. Girl hang in there. I had a situation very similar a few posts ago.