Monday, March 28, 2011

Now that I'm a mother...

Now that I'm a mother, I see things differently...

Now that I'm a mother, my heart rejoices differently...

Now that I'm a mother, my heart hurts differently...

Now that I'm a mother, I get angry differently...

Human Trafficking.

Two words I have read over and over again throughout the past months. My sister has blogged about it. She has run to raise money to help fight it. I didn't get it. My friends have blogged about it, tweeted about it, called other to action about it...I didn't get it.

Two and half weeks ago I became a mother. I became a mother to a daughter who has a name. A daughter who means more to me than I ever expected. A daughter whom I love more than life itself. A life I can not imagine selling to someone else in order for me to be able to eat.

I'll be honest, I didn't ever pay much attention to what human trafficking was all about. I read the words and heard about these organizations that are fighting it, but I didn't get it. Then today I read a blog written by someone who has a t-shirt that simple states "she has a name". It was about why she likes this shirt and then it tells this story:
The story behind “she has a name”: There was a john (male paying for sex), a pimp, and a prostitute. The john asked the pimp what the girl’s name was. The pimp said, “She doesn’t have a name. She’s whoever you want her to be.”

These words broke my heart.

They broke my heart because I spent years thinking of the name I would choose for my daughter. Her name needed to have meaning. It needed to be special because she is special. Ultimately, her name was chosen because of my mom, grandmother, friend, Paul's grandmother, and Ruth from the Bible. Her name means something to me, her mother.

The thought of someone saying that who she is isn't important makes me crazy. She is important to me. Her name means something to me. Her life means something to me.

And the lives of these girls who are being trafficked all over the world mean something to someone. They are girls with names that were chosen just for them and they need to be remembered. They need to be valued.

Now that I'm a mother I see the urgency to spread information about what human trafficking is, who it effects and how to help. Because if it were my daughter I would be praying for someone to help Julia.

Here's some organizations leading the war against human trafficking:

How can you help?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Julia Ruth

Julia Ruth was born March 11, 2011 at 7:46 AM. She was 19 inches long and weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz. She is absolutely beautiful!

We had a scheduled c-section and everything went very smoothly. Dr. Seeker even said that it was good that we did the c-section earlier than he wanted because her placenta was very calcified. Basically, her placenta was getting to the stage that it wouldn't be able to support her. It was doing exactly what our maternal fetal medicine doctor thought it was going to.

I will say this...morphine in your spine is CRAZY!! I felt very loopy, and the only thing I could think when I saw her was how beautiful she was. I am still amazed that God has blessed me with her.

Paul is a great daddy too! He is so patient and supportive. He tells me how good I'm doing at 2 AM when she is crying and I can't get her to latch. (We are getting better at nursing).

She squeaks in her sleep which is absolutely adorable. I love when I am holding her and she just starts smiling in her sleep. I love how she snuggles. She is such a blessing.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Baby day!!

Tomorrow is baby day! I'm so excited that I think I've worn myself out. I have so much to get done before we go to the hospital that I can't focus! I really just want to sleep! I feel like I have been tired for 9 months!

Here's the plan for tomorrow:
We will leave our house between 4:15am and 4:30am to get to the hospital by 5am. At 5am we will go into to get prepped for surgery and all of the fun things that go along with that. At 7am the c-section will begin. A few minutes later, the c-section will be over and our sweet baby girl will be here!

Then our families will get to come meet her, and hopefully we will be able to google chat with Uncle Josh and hopefully Aunt Melissa at some point so that they can meet their new niece.

I can't believe that after all of this waiting Julia Ruth will finally be here! I know that tomorrow will be mixed with overwhelming joy and sadness since Owen won't be with us. I love that little boy so much! I can't imagine what it will be like when we get to Heaven.

I do hope that we will be able to find a way to remember him, and talk to her about him with out making it all about him but about her as well. I want tomorrow to be an exciting day for her and all about her. After all it is her birthday!

I will post some pictures when I get a chance. I still haven't figured out how to do it from my Mac, but I hope that changes soon!

We'll keep you posted!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

All of the sudden...

This pregnancy, which seemed nearly impossible to happen a year ago, is coming to an end.

This pregnancy, which had many shocking moments, times of grief, excitement, and overwhelming joy is ending NEXT week!!

Our Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor, Dr. DeStefano, told us after we lost Owen that we would need to deliver between 37-38 weeks. Dr. Seeker wanted to wait until closer to 38 weeks. He thinks we can make it to 39 weeks, but it isn't his decision. He has to defer to Dr. DeStefano who has more schooling and experience in bringing high risk babies into the world. She said yesterday she's not budging...this baby girl needs to come between 37-38 weeks.

Dr. Seeker said if she didn't think we should wait he thinks March 10 or March 11 is a when we should induce or do a c-section. WHAT?!? I wasn't prepared for that. I thought for sure I had until March 16th. Nope...this baby is coming next week. For sure!

We will find out more today after we see Dr. Seeker. We will decide c-section or induction, we will decide on a date and time, and then Paul and I will frantically figure out all we need to do in order to bring this baby home and be ready for her. So many things left to do!

Last week, I was completely terrified about losing 6 days to prepare. 6 days where I could spend some time either sleeping or just hanging out with my husband. This morning I found myself talking to her, and asking her if she was ready to be out in this world. She began squirming like I have never felt before. I think she is ready for lots of snuggles.

I am ready to hold this baby girl that I have prayed for for so long. I am ready to kiss her, feed her, wake up 30 times a night to take care of her. I'm ready to bring her home, and watch her grow. I'm ready to see God's plan for her life play out. I'm ready to learn more about who God is through this little life.

I don't know why God chose to leave her and take Owen, but I know that God's plan for Owen's life only included him being with us in the womb for 18 weeks. I know that God's plan for Julia's life includes more than we can imagine. I can't wait to see what He is going to do.

This little girl is more precious than I could have ever really understood before her life was conceived. And as long as it felt like this pregnancy was going to last..

All of the sudden...

It's OVER....

And we get to bring our little girl home...