Monday, January 3, 2011

Arggh...anxiety, worry, and fear...OH MY!

The last two months have been marked by anxiety, worry, and fear for me. I think a lot of people would say that it makes sense since we lost a baby, but for me it seems to go a whole lot deeper than that.

For me, it seems like I'm not trusting God. That I'm not trusting in WHO GOD IS.

My mom suggested a Bible Reading Plan that plan application on my phone that deals with grief. It is 5 days long, and I started last night just to see what it was all about.

So far I have read the following passages:

Genesis 23:1-20-Abraham loses Sarah, and he finds a place to bury her and remember her.
Genesis 37-Joseph's brothers tell their father Joseph was killed, and Jacob says he will mourn until he goes to Sheol to see Joseph.
Genesis 42-Joseph's brothers go to Egypt for food, and Joseph asks them to leave Simeon and bring back Benjamin. The brothers go home and tell Jacob the request, but Jacob refuses to send Benjamin because he has now lost 2 sons and doesn't want to lose a 3rd.
Ruth 1:1-21-Naomi loses her husband and sons in war. Naomi tells her daughters in law to go back to their mothers' houses. Orpah goes but Ruth will not go. She returns to Bethlehem and she tells them to call her Mara because the Almighty has made her life bitter, the Lord has afflicted her and brought misfortune upon her.
2 Samuel 12-David loses the son he conceived with Bathsheba while Uriah was at war. David fasts praying for God will be gracious and allow his son to live. David stops fasting when his son dies because he knows that his son will not return to him, but one day he will go to his son.
2 Samuel 18-David grieves the loss of his son Absalom, and says that he would have died in his place.
Job 1:6-22-Satan brings affliction upon Job because he believes that Job will not be faithful to God if he does not have all of the blessing that have been bestowed upon him. However, Job tears his clothes and worships God.
Psalm 23:1-6-David writes a psalm to God praising God for who He is and the peace He gives us.
Psalm 42:1-11-The psalmist writes how his soul longs for the Lord, and even though his soul is cast down he will praise the Lord.

And here is what I have learned:
No one is spared from mourning and grief. We all have to deal with it. It's normal to feel like God has brought this misfortune to you. However, it is important to realize that even though He allows misfortune He doesn't cause misfortune. Our souls long for Him, and need Him to get through grief. And it is important to praise heals the heart.

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