Cool Colorado

Family vacations don't happen very often for us.  As a matter of fact, the last one I remember I was a senior in high school..that will be 12 years ago in December.  That week I learned how to ski, I experienced real snow, and I I was 17 so I was pretty closed off to what God might have been trying to show me about who He is.  I was more concerned with the cute boys on the ski slopes or at the rec center than what God was trying to show me about His glory, grace, magnificence, power, or creativity.

Twelve years later, I am sitting in the same town, but it's summer.  I am married, we are trying to get pregnant with our first child, and God has me in a place where I have to be completely dependent on Him.  I have to have faith that He will sell our house, that He will help us to conceive when it is the right time, that He knows what we can afford and He will keep us in the place where He wants us to live.

The past two mornings I have woken up to a cool breeze and sunshine.  I have spent the day with family and a light jacket.  Last night I laughed harder than I have in years at how silly my great uncle and cousins are.  I could barely contain myself.  I have slept with the windows open at night because there is no air conditioner in the garage apartment at my aunt's house, and actually had to sleep under the covers because it gets so cold.  I don't remember the last time I did that at home.  The last few days God has really shown me to RELAX.  To ENJOY Him. To come to Him when I am weary and heavy laden because He is going to take care of me.

This morning instead of going to church, we had church at the condos where the rest of my family is staying.  We sat in the sunshine, with my cousins leading worship, and had church.  It was so freeing to just sing out and not worry about the golfers on the course, what others might think, what was going to be for lunch because we were there as a family worshiping God!  It was AWESOME!

One song that we sang really struck my heart and I haven't been able to get it out of my head (which is why I am sitting down to blog about it) was "Come Ye Sinners".

Here are the lyrics:

1. Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
   Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
   Jesus ready stands to save you,
   Full of pity, love and pow’r.
   
   • Refrain:
     I will arise and go to Jesus,
     He will embrace me in His arms;
     In the arms of my dear Savior,
     Oh, there are ten thousand charms.
2. Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
   God’s free bounty glorify;
   True belief and true repentance,
   Every grace that brings you nigh.
3. Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
   Lost and ruined by the fall;
   If you tarry till you’re better,
   You will never come at all.

These words reminded me that Jesus, my Savior, saves me, embraces me, waited for me to come to Him, and He is where I need to go everyday because I am poor and needy, thirsty, and heavy laden.  When I go to Him I go to a place of safety, security, and peace.  

I'm amazed at the moments God will just speak to me when I sit to listen.  And this week Cool Colorado is the place to see His Magnificence.  I'm so grateful He gave me the time to get away from the busy-ness of life and to bask in His glory.

A Renewed Heart

As many of you know Paul and I have gone through quite the process to get pregnant, and through those months we have seen many, many friends and family members get pregnant and have babies.  There have been times when I was just bitter.  I was hurt, angry, and wondering why it was so easy for them and not for me.  I have had to take some time to deal with this icky heart of mine, and sometimes just be distracted by what is going on. 

With that said this past week I got to see 2 of my very best friends and their new little angels.  These two friends have been so patient as I deal with my ugly heart and gave me the space I needed while never judging me.  As I watched these 2 friends with their babies I realized that sometimes God reveals his love for us through difficult circumstances.  (You would think I would have learned that by now).  I was amazed at how their hearts have been changed by becoming moms, and how God is using their new child to show His love for them.  It was an absolutely beautiful picture. 

I am learning a lot while I don't have a child. Mainly that I really need to take this time and just love on my husband and cherish the time we have together, but also that God is NOT punishing me by not giving me what I want right now.  He is taking time to teach me patience, and how to love others, and how to be overwhelmed with joy for my friends as they enter this new stage of life.

So my heart is being renewed day by day, and I am overwhelmed with what God is doing in my life and the lives of my friends and family members who have new little ones.  I can't wait to see what God does next!

Oh Sweet Summer Rain...

I'm sitting on the couch listening to the rain and looking at how refreshed the earth looks.  It reminds me of how I feel after getting hot, sweaty and dirty and then taking a nice cool shower.  Refreshed!

Lately I have been struggling with feeling refreshed.  I woke up yesterday morning feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated.  I sat down and read my Bible for the first time in several weeks.  I didn't even know where to start so I looked at the Bible Reading Plan on our church website and found that the reading was Proverbs 4.  This is what I read:

Proverbs 4

A Father's Instruction

    ¹Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father,
         And give attention that you may gain understanding,
    ²For I give you sound teaching;
         Do not abandon my instruction.
    ³When I was a son to my father,
         Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,
    ⁴Then he taught me and said to me,
         "Let your heart hold fast my words;
         Keep my commandments and live;
    ⁵Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
         Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
    ⁶"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
         Love her, and she will watch over you.
    ⁷"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
         And with all your acquiring, get understanding.
    ⁸"Prize her, and she will exalt you;
         She will honor you if you embrace her.
    ⁹"She will place on your head a garland of grace;
         She will present you with a crown of beauty."
    ¹⁰Hear, my son, and accept my sayings
         And the years of your life will be many.
    ¹¹I have directed you in the way of wisdom;
         I have led you in upright paths.
    ¹²When you walk, your steps will not be impeded;
         And if you run, you will not stumble.
    ¹³Take hold of instruction; do not let go
         Guard her, for she is your life.
    ¹⁴Do not enter the path of the wicked
         And do not proceed in the way of evil men.
    ¹⁵Avoid it, do not pass by it;
         Turn away from it and pass on.
    ¹⁶For they cannot sleep unless they do evil;
         And they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble.
    ¹⁷For they eat the bread of wickedness
         And drink the wine of violence.
    ¹⁸But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
         That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.
    ¹⁹The way of the wicked is like darkness;
         They do not know over what they stumble.
    ²⁰My son, give attention to my words;
         Incline your ear to my sayings.
    ²¹Do not let them depart from your sight;
         Keep them in the midst of your heart.
    ²²For they are life to those who find them
         And health to all their body.
    ²³Watch over your heart with all diligence,
         For from it flow the springs of life.
    ²⁴Put away from you a deceitful mouth
         And put devious speech far from you.
    ²⁵Let your eyes look directly ahead
         And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
    ²⁶Watch the path of your feet
         And all your ways will be established.
    ²⁷Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
         Turn your foot from evil.

Those first two verses hit my heart like knife.  I realized that I had not been acquiring wisdom because I haven't been sitting with Jesus.  I haven't gone to church because somehow or another I have been recovering from surgery, sick, or out of town.  I had abandoned instruction. I realized at that moment that I was preventing myself from being refreshed.  It's like I wasn't bathing.  Gross picture, huh?

After confessing this to Jesus and seeking repentance the next few verses gave me encouragement: ¹²When you walk, your steps will not be impeded;
         And if you run, you will not stumble.
    ¹³Take hold of instruction; do not let go
         Guard her, for she is your life.

How beautiful to read that when you are acquiring wisdom nothing will keep you from it, and that you should guard wisdom, for it gives you life.  How often I have wondered what is keeping me from really experiencing what Christ has to offer, and neglecting my relationship with Him is what is preventing me from being refreshed.

So after my sweet time with Jesus, I talked to my friend in real estate about some ideas to get our house sold.  It comes back to staging, and getting rid of clutter that you don't realize is there but a buyer would.  So Paul and I spent sometime just cleaning and getting rid of clutter, and putting away pictures so a buyer could come in and see the house as their house and not ours.  Another refreshment.  And now I sit here soaked as I had to go to the grocery store with 2 kids in the rain, but reminded that Christ is my refreshment, and the sweet summer rain is my reminder.  Amen!

It's been one of those days....

Have you ever had one of those days when it just seems like nothing goes the way it should?  Or more likely the way you want it.

Today has been one of those days for me.  I woke up late, so I was running late for school.  On my way to school I talked to my dad and found out that there are plans for a small wedding ceremony for my brother and his wife so that they are married in the U.S. and can go back to Korea.  Then my students have just been out of control, and I have been less than patient.  On top of all of that I felt like I had to rearrange my schedule to include other things and other people decided to run late which of course throws everything else spiraling out of control. 

It's days like this that I am shown that my heart is truly focused on myself and not Christ.  I get frustrated when I realize this because that is really what I want my students to see.  I want them to see Christ.  I want them to know Him and feel unconditionally loved, and on days like today it is very, very hard to keep persevering. 

I'm definitely still a work in progress.