Anxiety in Pregnancy

Disclaimer: This was written about 6 weeks ago. I'm still struggling with this off and on. 


This isn't public knowledge yet...I'm 6 weeks pregnant. Something is different this time around. I feel more anxious.

With Julia and Owen I was so excited. I was peaceful. Well, until I lost Owen.

I think that's what the problem is. I think I'm anxious about losing this baby. I'm anxious about going into my first appointment and there not being a heart beat. I'm worried that in the next 34 weeks something is going to happen and I won't ever hold this baby in my arms.

However, I'm also anxious about how much having another baby is going to change Julia's life. I don't know how she will adapt. I don't know how she will get along with this new baby, and that scares me. I'm afraid she'll have a rough relationship with her sibling like I did/do with mine.

I know it's too late to think about all of this, but until I got pregnant I didn't think about this. I was worried about whether or not I could get pregnant. Now that I am, I worry about how this is going to rock Julia's world.

Not to mention I've been so sick that I feel like I'm neglecting Julia, and I only have 34 weeks of it just being the two of us.

Why is this so hard? Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this? Did anyone else feel this way?

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Gluten Free

As you have read on here I've been dealing with A LOT of anxiety recently. I'm not sure where it comes from or why just that it's there. SUCKS!

So my doctors prescribed more medicine. I'm currently taking Lexapro and Busbar (this one is as needed, but if I don't take it I feel like I'm losing it). I decided about a month ago that I'm tired of meds. I don't want to just take meds for the rest of my life, but I also don't want to always be anxious. So I used my friend Google and started reading about natural ways to treat anxiety. One of the things I read was that going Gluten Free could help. So I decided to try it.

A good friend of mine has been gluten free for years so she offered to help. She showed me some websites I can use, a magazine, and walked me through the grocery store and showed me different brands of gluten free products that are worth the money. After a couple weeks of being gluten free I realized that I was feeling better so I talked to the Nurse Practitioner at my OBGYN's office and she said she run some tests.

What came back was interesting, and puzzling. Apparently I have high thyroid antibodies which basically means my body is attacking my thyroid. No one can explain it so I'm being referred to an Endocrinologist.

So we wait, and since we don't know exactly what is going on I've started cheating on the no gluten thing. Boy, I've felt awful this week. Don't get me wrong the food was GOOD, but the repercussions have been miserable. I'm tired, my stomach is upset, I've had to take more anxiety meds. Just Blah.

So this begs the question...is cheating worth it? The moment I indulge in the strawberry shortcake I think it is, but later when my stomach is churning and I can't keep my eyes open I don't think it is.

I'm interested to see how what is going on with my thyroid is related to this, and not cheat anymore.

Any of you tried gluten free? How did it effect you? What are your favorite recipes/products?

Olympic Walking?

Oh the Olympics! I get so excited every time they come around. I remember sitting on the floor in our Living Room watching them when I was a little girl. I think watching them takes me back to that feeling of being little. You know the one...where you have NO WORRIES!

Ahhh, I miss those days. They were my favorite. I miss playing outside, swinging, jumping on the trampoline, playing with my friends, and hula hooping (kind of surprised this hasn't made it into the Olympics yet).

Now I feel like I worry about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. I worry mostly about Julia. Most recently I was worried that she wasn't ever going to walk. Our pediatrician told me she wasn't worried, that Julia was developing normally, but I just couldn't believe her. I mean, come on, ALL of her friends (younger and older) were walking. Something has to be wrong with her.

My mom kept telling me that she's just stubborn. She also told me she gets it from me. Um...where did I get it from?

Turns out I have a daughter her likes to do things in her own time. Tuesday, she just stood up and walked from her little chair to the ottoman and back. Over and over and over and over again. CRAZY!

And I'm sure you are wondering what all of this has to do with Olympics. Well, after spending HOURS watching the Olympics with my sweet girl I told her she had to walk to be an Olympic athlete. That seemed to work. It was that or Grandmother telling her she can't come spend the night until she's walking.

Not sure which argument it was that finally convinced her walking isn't such a bad thing, and she isn't a full blown walker just yet but it's coming.

And I'm giving her the GOLD!