Our Growing Family

* I wrote this post a week before we lost Owen. It's so interesting to see where I was, what God was teaching me, and what God has taught me since then. Just thought I would share.

I read this blog with absolute amazement at God's faithfulness. To go back and read about the frustration and anxiety I struggled with over the past four years seems like a completely other lifetime. I look back and see path God had me on, feeling like I had just enough light for the step I was on at the time, and now I am able to see the beautiful things that He had in store for us the whole time. He was just teaching me to trust in His faithfulness along the way.

It's funny that I don't necessarily have any more light on the path ahead of me now then I did every other day I have been walking, but I have so much more hope because I took time look back and see God's faithfulness. I'm always amazed because I often forget that God has such a big plan for my life. And now I see that He has a plan for my children, and He is faithful to them already. Such a beautiful thing!

The most exciting part of this pregnancy is now my little ones have identities. They are no longer Baby A and Baby B they are Baby Girl and Baby Boy, but more than that they are Julia Ruth and Owen Paul. We know who they are!

Today I am 17 weeks pregnant, and can feel these babies like nothing else. It shocks me in class when I am teaching and I feel a little flutter. I lose my train of thought. A couple of nights ago Paul put his hand on my belly and I felt them move...it felt like there was a wave in my stomach. So last night he did it again, and asked "Is that it?" and it was, there were babies moving for their daddy like they wanted to say hi to him! Precious and Beautiful.

A post for Joy..

The last time I made a blog post was in July. I know you are all thinking "that was so long ago she hasn't had anything to say since then?" Well, I did, but there is only one thing I wanted to post about that I had to keep a secret until recently.

I'm pregnant...with TWINS! They are fraternal for sure. We saw 2 placentas yesterday.

It is the most bizarre feeling being pregnant. It doesn't quite seem real yet even though I have all of the symptoms and have seen the babies 3 times now. I can't feel anything they are doing, and they are moving ALL OF THE TIME! The only thing that really reminds me I'm pregnant is my slightly protruding belly that has been protruding for some time now. It is slightly growing, but at times I just feel fat. Paul reminds me I'm not...I'm pregnant. Such a sweetheart!

I really have nothing else to say except I'm pregnant. We're excited, overjoyed, and overwhelmed, but BLESSED!

Cool Colorado

Family vacations don't happen very often for us.  As a matter of fact, the last one I remember I was a senior in high school..that will be 12 years ago in December.  That week I learned how to ski, I experienced real snow, and I I was 17 so I was pretty closed off to what God might have been trying to show me about who He is.  I was more concerned with the cute boys on the ski slopes or at the rec center than what God was trying to show me about His glory, grace, magnificence, power, or creativity.

Twelve years later, I am sitting in the same town, but it's summer.  I am married, we are trying to get pregnant with our first child, and God has me in a place where I have to be completely dependent on Him.  I have to have faith that He will sell our house, that He will help us to conceive when it is the right time, that He knows what we can afford and He will keep us in the place where He wants us to live.

The past two mornings I have woken up to a cool breeze and sunshine.  I have spent the day with family and a light jacket.  Last night I laughed harder than I have in years at how silly my great uncle and cousins are.  I could barely contain myself.  I have slept with the windows open at night because there is no air conditioner in the garage apartment at my aunt's house, and actually had to sleep under the covers because it gets so cold.  I don't remember the last time I did that at home.  The last few days God has really shown me to RELAX.  To ENJOY Him. To come to Him when I am weary and heavy laden because He is going to take care of me.

This morning instead of going to church, we had church at the condos where the rest of my family is staying.  We sat in the sunshine, with my cousins leading worship, and had church.  It was so freeing to just sing out and not worry about the golfers on the course, what others might think, what was going to be for lunch because we were there as a family worshiping God!  It was AWESOME!

One song that we sang really struck my heart and I haven't been able to get it out of my head (which is why I am sitting down to blog about it) was "Come Ye Sinners".

Here are the lyrics:

1. Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
   Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
   Jesus ready stands to save you,
   Full of pity, love and pow’r.
   
   • Refrain:
     I will arise and go to Jesus,
     He will embrace me in His arms;
     In the arms of my dear Savior,
     Oh, there are ten thousand charms.
2. Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
   God’s free bounty glorify;
   True belief and true repentance,
   Every grace that brings you nigh.
3. Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
   Lost and ruined by the fall;
   If you tarry till you’re better,
   You will never come at all.

These words reminded me that Jesus, my Savior, saves me, embraces me, waited for me to come to Him, and He is where I need to go everyday because I am poor and needy, thirsty, and heavy laden.  When I go to Him I go to a place of safety, security, and peace.  

I'm amazed at the moments God will just speak to me when I sit to listen.  And this week Cool Colorado is the place to see His Magnificence.  I'm so grateful He gave me the time to get away from the busy-ness of life and to bask in His glory.

A Renewed Heart

As many of you know Paul and I have gone through quite the process to get pregnant, and through those months we have seen many, many friends and family members get pregnant and have babies.  There have been times when I was just bitter.  I was hurt, angry, and wondering why it was so easy for them and not for me.  I have had to take some time to deal with this icky heart of mine, and sometimes just be distracted by what is going on. 

With that said this past week I got to see 2 of my very best friends and their new little angels.  These two friends have been so patient as I deal with my ugly heart and gave me the space I needed while never judging me.  As I watched these 2 friends with their babies I realized that sometimes God reveals his love for us through difficult circumstances.  (You would think I would have learned that by now).  I was amazed at how their hearts have been changed by becoming moms, and how God is using their new child to show His love for them.  It was an absolutely beautiful picture. 

I am learning a lot while I don't have a child. Mainly that I really need to take this time and just love on my husband and cherish the time we have together, but also that God is NOT punishing me by not giving me what I want right now.  He is taking time to teach me patience, and how to love others, and how to be overwhelmed with joy for my friends as they enter this new stage of life.

So my heart is being renewed day by day, and I am overwhelmed with what God is doing in my life and the lives of my friends and family members who have new little ones.  I can't wait to see what God does next!