Tuesday, September 9, 2008

This pain in my chest

I never thought that I could feel this way. I never thought that my heart could hurt so bad, or that I could feel like my heart is just being torn out of my chest. And there is nothing that I can do to make it go away.

I keep asking why, and I know that I may not get an answer. I know that God has a grand plan, but I can't help but wonder why this little life that started growing in me just a little while ago is gone. I thought that it wouldn't hurt so bad since we never had an ultrasound or got to hear a heart beat, but a friend told me a loss no matter how early is a loss. And right now it is so true.

It is really strange because people say that as early along as I was I wasn't experiencing any symptoms of being pregnant, but for a while I was really sensitive to certain smells, my breasts were tender, and I was definitely more picky about what I ate. But on Sunday morning when I started bleeding and cramping everything changed. I knew that something was wrong.

All I know is that I hurt, I am sad, and I want some answers. But I don't know where to get them...

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